Thank you so much for sharing more about yourself with us! It was a really interesting read. I related so much to your comment about watching programs outside the norm of a typical teenager...I was obsessed with things from the past, as well, including the 1995 Pride and Prejudice, hahaha!
I love what you said about abusers being responsible for the astronomical costs to taxpayers, NOT domestic abuse, and that we need to focus both on education as prevention of abuse, but also putting barricades in place to stop current abusers being allowed to continue to abuse.
As a child I had a coercively controlling father and our world became smaller and smaller. I stopped having friends over sometime around the age of 8, and increasingly I stopped going to friends' houses, too. I stopped talking to others at school. I developed eating disorders. I spent a lot of time alone in my bedroom. I escaped my father's abuse by going away to college. I got into a prestigious school and had to take out lots of loans (I'm in the US), but once I graduated I was so ill from my autoimmune disease that I was diagnosed with at age 16 that I couldn't work much and I was unable to afford a place of my own. I had no choice but to live with my parents and endure further abuse. The student loan debt kept me trapped there. The only way out seemed to be to go to graduate school so I could get a better job and earn more money, but that required taking on more debt. I did it anyway, and did finally escape...but only because I met my first husband during grad school and we married shortly after I graduated. He turned out to be an even more terrifying coercive controller. I had a daughter with him before I was aware I was being abused and then I escaped with her when she was two. He's been dragging me to court for twelve years now.
All this is to say that your work has been so helpful for me, and I'm so grateful for it! It was nice to read about how you came to this work, and I like to think we would have been friends had we been in one another's orbit during our teenage years. (Though I'm in the US and about ten years older than you, haha! Still, I have always been so deprived of friendships...even now thanks to smear campaigns by my ex-husband...so it's a nice to imagine teenage me having you as a friend!)
Thank you again! Protective mothers and their children are very lucky to have you as our ally!
Great read Emma. Your definition of post separation abuse is spot on. The impact of the power and threat behind the abuse i.e the perpetrator, needs to be the focus. I have just got a new credit on Audible, so i'll check out your book, thanks for raising that. I just wish there was more research out there on the impact on adult children of post separation abuse......unfortunately that is what I am going through now, aged 67. I know many 'senior' women who are experiencing what I am: an adult child not speaking to their mother because of the subtle manipulation their father metes out to draw them away from caring parent.
So inspiring to read your background... particularly as have always wondered what led you to such constant lucid, erudite & unbiased analysis of such a complex and nuanced sphere.
Your work is so incredibly vital and groundbreaking.
Not just as a toolkit for the millions of mothers & children trying to comprehend & survive co-ercive control, but even more powerfully as a framework for legal & social systems to evolve & adapt: to better recognize & prevent such pervasive anti-social behavior from seeding in the first place.
In just the last 4-6 years co-ercive control has shot from an obscure phrase in the public domain to the introduction of laws in the US/UK & AUS that is now being recognized beyond the borders of Domestic Abuse.
Immense gratitude that such an unbiased & academic powerhouse is shining the floodlight on such a dark and little understood, yet so common, social dysfunction that has so seriously impacted too many innocents.
Wow such a powerful read , your journey to academia is so inspirational , your focus on Tudor history Elizabeth 1 , gave you the inspiration and thirst for learning , simply amazing . I follow your work Emma you truly are a game changer and leader in DA CC and a voice for mothers and children 💪❤️we are lucky to have you leading the way 🥰
Thanks Emma for giving us your personal background. I too love the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. So does my (now adult) daughter — we were both abused by her father.
When she was a child, my daughter memorised the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Lady Catherine de Bourgh interrogates and berates Lizzie, and Lizzie resists and ends up walking away. The scene encapsulates so many dynamics of abuse. It’s brilliant!
Another great scene that encapsulates how to resist and expose an abuser is in the BBC version of David Copperfield, where Aunt Betsy Trotwood tears strips off Edward Murdstone.
Gosh Emma, you really are an extraordinary woman! It takes such strength to be true to yourself in a world that is endeavouring to make us like everyone else. Bravo!
Thank you so much for taking the trouble to tell us a little of your story. Your insight and commitment to this subject is world changing.
Thank you for being you and taking on this particular line of research - so validating to have someone give us language for what we are going through xx
Thank you so much for sharing more about yourself with us! It was a really interesting read. I related so much to your comment about watching programs outside the norm of a typical teenager...I was obsessed with things from the past, as well, including the 1995 Pride and Prejudice, hahaha!
I love what you said about abusers being responsible for the astronomical costs to taxpayers, NOT domestic abuse, and that we need to focus both on education as prevention of abuse, but also putting barricades in place to stop current abusers being allowed to continue to abuse.
As a child I had a coercively controlling father and our world became smaller and smaller. I stopped having friends over sometime around the age of 8, and increasingly I stopped going to friends' houses, too. I stopped talking to others at school. I developed eating disorders. I spent a lot of time alone in my bedroom. I escaped my father's abuse by going away to college. I got into a prestigious school and had to take out lots of loans (I'm in the US), but once I graduated I was so ill from my autoimmune disease that I was diagnosed with at age 16 that I couldn't work much and I was unable to afford a place of my own. I had no choice but to live with my parents and endure further abuse. The student loan debt kept me trapped there. The only way out seemed to be to go to graduate school so I could get a better job and earn more money, but that required taking on more debt. I did it anyway, and did finally escape...but only because I met my first husband during grad school and we married shortly after I graduated. He turned out to be an even more terrifying coercive controller. I had a daughter with him before I was aware I was being abused and then I escaped with her when she was two. He's been dragging me to court for twelve years now.
All this is to say that your work has been so helpful for me, and I'm so grateful for it! It was nice to read about how you came to this work, and I like to think we would have been friends had we been in one another's orbit during our teenage years. (Though I'm in the US and about ten years older than you, haha! Still, I have always been so deprived of friendships...even now thanks to smear campaigns by my ex-husband...so it's a nice to imagine teenage me having you as a friend!)
Thank you again! Protective mothers and their children are very lucky to have you as our ally!
Great read Emma. Your definition of post separation abuse is spot on. The impact of the power and threat behind the abuse i.e the perpetrator, needs to be the focus. I have just got a new credit on Audible, so i'll check out your book, thanks for raising that. I just wish there was more research out there on the impact on adult children of post separation abuse......unfortunately that is what I am going through now, aged 67. I know many 'senior' women who are experiencing what I am: an adult child not speaking to their mother because of the subtle manipulation their father metes out to draw them away from caring parent.
So inspiring to read your background... particularly as have always wondered what led you to such constant lucid, erudite & unbiased analysis of such a complex and nuanced sphere.
Your work is so incredibly vital and groundbreaking.
Not just as a toolkit for the millions of mothers & children trying to comprehend & survive co-ercive control, but even more powerfully as a framework for legal & social systems to evolve & adapt: to better recognize & prevent such pervasive anti-social behavior from seeding in the first place.
In just the last 4-6 years co-ercive control has shot from an obscure phrase in the public domain to the introduction of laws in the US/UK & AUS that is now being recognized beyond the borders of Domestic Abuse.
Immense gratitude that such an unbiased & academic powerhouse is shining the floodlight on such a dark and little understood, yet so common, social dysfunction that has so seriously impacted too many innocents.
Wow such a powerful read , your journey to academia is so inspirational , your focus on Tudor history Elizabeth 1 , gave you the inspiration and thirst for learning , simply amazing . I follow your work Emma you truly are a game changer and leader in DA CC and a voice for mothers and children 💪❤️we are lucky to have you leading the way 🥰
Thanks Emma for giving us your personal background. I too love the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. So does my (now adult) daughter — we were both abused by her father.
When she was a child, my daughter memorised the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Lady Catherine de Bourgh interrogates and berates Lizzie, and Lizzie resists and ends up walking away. The scene encapsulates so many dynamics of abuse. It’s brilliant!
Another great scene that encapsulates how to resist and expose an abuser is in the BBC version of David Copperfield, where Aunt Betsy Trotwood tears strips off Edward Murdstone.
Gosh Emma, you really are an extraordinary woman! It takes such strength to be true to yourself in a world that is endeavouring to make us like everyone else. Bravo!
Thank you so much for taking the trouble to tell us a little of your story. Your insight and commitment to this subject is world changing.
Thank you for being you and taking on this particular line of research - so validating to have someone give us language for what we are going through xx