The "Explaining Coercive Control to People Who Don't Quite Get It" Series. Part 2.
Excellent article as always. We really need to clone you Emma!!!
Re other topics, maybe one for professionals on how to spot coerc control?
I’m so grateful for you. Your work.
Your dedication to victim/survivors. I’ve been a victim (I haven’t survived him yet) that has been attempting to flee my MENSA educated 40+ years of victimology starting w/ his adoptive family at the age of 8.
He’s been clinically diagnosed with NPD/paedophile/sociopathy. His records are not admissible in the United States in Family Court. I live in Washington state where we have the updated language regarding coercive control just as they do in Massachusetts with regard to DVPO’s. My 16 year old child with autism spectrum disorder has founded allegations with child protective services regarding their bio dad/abuser.
I have sent every advocate and volunteer Attorney all of your works/science/the people that you work with and endorse. I recycle bottles glass and cans so I can pay the six dollars to subscribe to your Substack just to be able to send it to people to help them learn. Not one person has had the decency to even reply, or acknowledge that they have received anything from me regarding your works, suggestions and so forth.
They certainly do not treat me, nor my case with any sense of urgency or importance. I also receive a voluminous amount of verbal abuse from the legal clinics and the advocacy circles because I have been stuck in this situation for so long. They don’t wanna hear from me or hear about my case one more time.
I am legally disabled (I was when we wed). My spouse targeted/groomed/dated/engaged/marriedHe forcibly impregnated me as he told me he was sterile.
His second wife committed suicide because of his extreme domestic abuse when I was pregnant with our child.
His first wife is missing.
He calls me, “number three the wife headcount.”
I have been attempting to flee him for over a decade. He’s had me as his legal married possession for 18 years.
I have a family law court case that is still in “temporary orders” that precludes me from having or borrowing more than $10.00 USD. I am also unable to be employed from MS and compiled a/his psychological (ongoing) and physical abuse.
He is a white-collar executive with an Ivy League education with two top notch legal teams that have been using every phrase that (you know all too well) points a sign at who the true abuser is.
I’ve used every resource available and even formally the court commissioner, who overseas my case to take into consideration the factors that are indicative of whom the aggressor/abuser is. She has refused to do so for two calendar years.
Just last night an intruder broke in the house in a ski mask in an attempt to intimidate and scare me.
My child also had a drone buzzing their window.
We know who it was and we know why they did it. My child has a rather pressing meeting today and it was an intimidation tactic to attempt to interfere with their sleep and to keep them from speaking up.
We are literally impoverished, and do not have any money whatsoever.
We are completely void of family, friends community, any support whatsoever.
Our closest family lives over 2000 miles away.
The court will not hear my case they will not hear from me. They have never acknowledge my domestic abuse, even though I literally have no natural teeth left in my mouth and my genitalia is mutilated from his domestic abuse.
He admitted abusing me and said it was “consensual marital relations.”
He admitted to abusing our shared child, and claimed that “autism made it a necessity.”
Categorically untrue. My child does not/did not have any need for anyone to enter a shower or a bathroom past the age of three years old.
I am struggling to hang on as I’m down to 100 pounds at 5’7”.
There’s literally nobody helping me.
I desperately want to go to my family with my child to save our lives, because as my abuser said, “The only way this things ends is when you’re dead, because at least your die mine hon.”
I have every one of his hand written journals with thousands of pages and hundreds of names of victims times/places/locations and crimes committed on their bodies and lives.
He admitted to court riding the journals and said, “I forced him to do it to blackmail him.” the journals began while I was a toddler. He’s 11 years my senior.
My body is my evidence of his physical abuse. My life is evidence of his complete domination manipulation and control of every aspect. I put a sign in the yard that said free and put out the children’s toys from years past and his attorney sent a letter that said I am precluded from donating anything.
That meant he had to walk or drive to the home at the end of a cul-de-sac, and has been monitoring my every move.
I do not know where the resources are in the United States. I do not know why no one is willing to take me to court and ex-parte so that he cannot fight it.
I’m exhausted and running out of life with zero end in sight. My child is beyond tired.
The torment we undergo daily being so impoverished and harassed in ways that law-enforcement would never take a report about because we know it’s him and yet it’s not obvious to anyone but us.
I’m not sure what else to do.
My child has said everything to every single person that was a mandated reporter and got their founded allegations, and yet their life has remained unchanged.
I see these adverse childhood experiences changing who they are.
I know you’re not an attorney or even in the United States at present and yet I had to share my voice, and not at my child with you, because I know we will not go unnoticed, silenced, and we’ve now put this energy out into the universe, which will hopefully bring change to our lives, and save my life literally.
Thank you again for all that you do.