This is brilliant, as always and I am glad to see we now have a proper term for this dreadfully common practice. It has obliterated my children’s childhood and severely compromised my motherhood.
The trouble is, do we have any recourse for it?
Will the perpetrators be made accountable and punished for it, as they should be?
Like not paying maintenance, there is currently no deterrent, so on it goes.
Thank you. Your point about recourse is vital. At the moment, manipulating children is recognised as part of coercive control under the coercive control law in England and Wales, as is post-separation abuse. So, theoretically, what perpetrators are doing is against the law in England and Wales, but very few are actually held accountable. Getting a conviction is highly unlikely. In general, it seems there is no will to hold perpetrators accountable, and that creates huge problems for survivors. So much change is needed.
Thank you so much for this! It describes a lot of what I’ve experienced. I have experienced my teenagers repeat what is said about me “gold digger” “whore”, I’ve had them come home in a violent unregulated state, I’ve had them tell a therapist that they’d rather live with the abuser... this is an accurate description of what is happening and why they would align with the abuser. I knew my sons were trying to maintain their own safety when there really isn’t a safe space from the abuser. I really appreciate the call out on the gendered nature of dv/coercive control. Thank you for what you do!
Thank you so much for responding to my comment in a recent post and providing this link to me. Brilliant and helpful. This is such a painful journey and resources like yours are validating and educational. I will share with a group of other “sabotaged” parents.
This is brilliant, as always and I am glad to see we now have a proper term for this dreadfully common practice. It has obliterated my children’s childhood and severely compromised my motherhood.
The trouble is, do we have any recourse for it?
Will the perpetrators be made accountable and punished for it, as they should be?
Like not paying maintenance, there is currently no deterrent, so on it goes.
It all constitutes child neglect.
Thank you. Your point about recourse is vital. At the moment, manipulating children is recognised as part of coercive control under the coercive control law in England and Wales, as is post-separation abuse. So, theoretically, what perpetrators are doing is against the law in England and Wales, but very few are actually held accountable. Getting a conviction is highly unlikely. In general, it seems there is no will to hold perpetrators accountable, and that creates huge problems for survivors. So much change is needed.
Thank you so much for this! It describes a lot of what I’ve experienced. I have experienced my teenagers repeat what is said about me “gold digger” “whore”, I’ve had them come home in a violent unregulated state, I’ve had them tell a therapist that they’d rather live with the abuser... this is an accurate description of what is happening and why they would align with the abuser. I knew my sons were trying to maintain their own safety when there really isn’t a safe space from the abuser. I really appreciate the call out on the gendered nature of dv/coercive control. Thank you for what you do!
Thank you, and sending you support.
Thank you so much for responding to my comment in a recent post and providing this link to me. Brilliant and helpful. This is such a painful journey and resources like yours are validating and educational. I will share with a group of other “sabotaged” parents.
Sending you heartfelt support
Great work Emma and team. It’s vital that we have a term which cannot be high jacked by men who abuse their female intimate partners.
I’m musing about acronyms. Maybe SCAMR would also be good. Sabotage of Child-Mother Relationship.
Or SCMR.
Thanks Barbara