Thanks again for writing this Emma. It brought me to tears - of relief - mainly - because I have long believed the impact on the mothers’ health in these situations is overlooked, yet it is the primary matter affecting the wellbeing of all our children. I think more women die - or attempt to - amidst these proceedings and even before or without them, but the whole practice is so massively under reported that no one has a genuine grip on the matter. We’re all so drained and demoralised, we’re lucky to get through the day and all focus is the best for our kids while we suffer in silence for a very long time. Thanks you again for exposing this and studying it. Torture sums it up and we need each other. Your message means a lot but things have to change.
Thank you so much for your work and writing. It is so validating to be seen, and I keep hoping one day society will care enough about women to do something about it. I believed the narrative that family court favored mothers until I got there and realized that it is a patriarchal system just like everything else. Honestly the abuse we endured at the hands of our abuser was less that what he was able to inflict with the aid of the court system
Do you know of any articles/research which identity how professionals involved with the family may increase the risk and perpetuate the cycle of abuse unknowingly. Particularly where professionals [schools] which maybe less skilled or qualified professionals adopt a narrative of- they both have PR we need to share. Which is true, they do need to share. But where the modality of sharing information is used by the abuser and weaponised, as a result.
Also do you know of any best practice guidance around this?
It would be great to know of any research regarding this. Please can you share if you know of anything?
In terms of best practice guidelines, it would help to know what country you are asking about? Feel free to email me with this info if you'd rather not say here.
Says it all, we believed in a judiciary that would protect; instead seek to destroy us. Read all the testimonies it’s quite simple, any women who challenges the family court system is doomed. I hate to say it but they really really do want to see you dead, otherwise why would the network supporting the perpetrator go to such lengths, breaching all ethics of their moral conduct, applying to solicitors, barristers & Judges. I had always been fit & healthy despite a very long coercive controlling relationship. I had done everything to maintain my mental & physical health knowing my ex wld do anything to destroy me, it’s the final blow when the fam cts come along and do it for them
I’m curious if you’ve seen the new show on Hulu called safe home. I felt it was a more accurate representation of dv and systems than I’ve seen normally in tv
Hi Emma, your article brought me to tears. So much grief. For myself and for all the other women and children who have CPIT.
Thank you for coining or helping coin the term CPIT. It’s a good acronym. Let’s hope it becomes more widely used and understood. But the vast majority of the population have mud in their ears and don’t want to listen, because if they actually believe what we are saying, it shatters their concept of a just world.
Thanks for this. I have experienced coercive control in multiple settings, both one on one and in religious and commercial groups.
In terms of my ex abusive partner, he has alienated my youngest adult daughter from me. He also alienated my dying mother from me. She then left him over 30% of her estate when she died. Is there any research on the impact of perpetrator inflicted alienation of adult children and elders?
I focus on abuse in a Christian context. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, domestic abuse from two husbands, Family Court abuse, and spiritual abuse from church leaders. My daughter is a survivor of institutional and other types of abuse.
I am sorry you have experienced so much, and it pains me because your experiences are similar to mine.....As you know I have experienced , domestic abuse, spiritual abuse and abuse from a commercial setting. I also experienced childhood abuse. The coercive and controlling behaviours the perpetrator/abusers employ are are pretty much the same. Thank you for speaking out, it is important. There are so many women who have had multiple abusive experiences, ad it is not because we are stupid or deficient in some way. I have sent your link to a friend of mine who is about to embark on a research study on domestic abuse in evangelical settings. I am currently studying for an MSc in Psychology of Coercive Control, and she is in my cohort.
I have just been reading through Elizabeth Delgarno et al article on Health-related experiences of family court and domestic abuse in England. The article lists the physical and mental health experiences associated with family court proceedings. I note that ME/chronic fatigue syndrome is listed under autoimmune conditions. Whilst not specifically related to court proceedings, while I was still living with my abuser, now ex husband, I experienced ME. Another interesting fact is that on my current course - MSc in Psychology of Coercive Control, three of my cohort who have experienced IPV have also had ME.
I see so many survivors with ME that I'm now more surprised when survivors don't have ME than when they do! My hunch is that abusers push survivor's bodies to the edge, then one trigger such as a virus easily tips them into having ME. ME is usually classified as neurological, but I've also seen it described as neuro-immune.
Thanks Emma. I believe it is probably both neuro-immune and neurological. I had three long periods of flu-like symptoms and then my body shut down.
At the time, in 2002, there was much discussion around whether the symptoms were purely neurological. When I went to a support/education group at Southmead Hospital in Bristol, that was their view. I was seen by a psychiatrist, as well as learning how to manage my illness. Unfortunately nothing changed, as I was still in an abusive relationship. It wasn't helpful, because it made me feel in some way deficient, rather than addressing the impact of the power and threat in my life - my abuser.
So still desperate for healing, I then got involved in a religious group ( a cult!!) that specialised in healing and deliverance from generational sin, ME being a symptom, and I was 'healed'. Indicting a form of 'suggestibility' , a neurological response, brought about by mystical manipulation. So my life took a very dark turn...i was in the group for 6 years...
I'm so sorry. If ME had been given proper research funding for the last 40 years perhaps this wouldn't have happened to you, as treatments may have been available.
Thanks again for writing this Emma. It brought me to tears - of relief - mainly - because I have long believed the impact on the mothers’ health in these situations is overlooked, yet it is the primary matter affecting the wellbeing of all our children. I think more women die - or attempt to - amidst these proceedings and even before or without them, but the whole practice is so massively under reported that no one has a genuine grip on the matter. We’re all so drained and demoralised, we’re lucky to get through the day and all focus is the best for our kids while we suffer in silence for a very long time. Thanks you again for exposing this and studying it. Torture sums it up and we need each other. Your message means a lot but things have to change.
Thank you so much for your work and writing. It is so validating to be seen, and I keep hoping one day society will care enough about women to do something about it. I believed the narrative that family court favored mothers until I got there and realized that it is a patriarchal system just like everything else. Honestly the abuse we endured at the hands of our abuser was less that what he was able to inflict with the aid of the court system
Your dogs are adorable 🥰
Hi Emma,
Do you know of any articles/research which identity how professionals involved with the family may increase the risk and perpetuate the cycle of abuse unknowingly. Particularly where professionals [schools] which maybe less skilled or qualified professionals adopt a narrative of- they both have PR we need to share. Which is true, they do need to share. But where the modality of sharing information is used by the abuser and weaponised, as a result.
Also do you know of any best practice guidance around this?
It would be great to know of any research regarding this. Please can you share if you know of anything?
Thank you
Hi, there is surprisingly little research on schools and domestic abuse, but see: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13384-020-00415-7 and https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/17508487.2021.1919165
In terms of best practice guidelines, it would help to know what country you are asking about? Feel free to email me with this info if you'd rather not say here.
Hi Emma,
Thank you for the attached articles- please could I email? What’s the address to get you on? Thanks
dremmakatz@gmail.com
wish i had known of the study. simultaneously, wish i wouldn't have had egads to contribute.
🕊️🙏💔🙏🕊️
Says it all, we believed in a judiciary that would protect; instead seek to destroy us. Read all the testimonies it’s quite simple, any women who challenges the family court system is doomed. I hate to say it but they really really do want to see you dead, otherwise why would the network supporting the perpetrator go to such lengths, breaching all ethics of their moral conduct, applying to solicitors, barristers & Judges. I had always been fit & healthy despite a very long coercive controlling relationship. I had done everything to maintain my mental & physical health knowing my ex wld do anything to destroy me, it’s the final blow when the fam cts come along and do it for them
I’m curious if you’ve seen the new show on Hulu called safe home. I felt it was a more accurate representation of dv and systems than I’ve seen normally in tv
Hi Emma, your article brought me to tears. So much grief. For myself and for all the other women and children who have CPIT.
Thank you for coining or helping coin the term CPIT. It’s a good acronym. Let’s hope it becomes more widely used and understood. But the vast majority of the population have mud in their ears and don’t want to listen, because if they actually believe what we are saying, it shatters their concept of a just world.
Thanks for this. I have experienced coercive control in multiple settings, both one on one and in religious and commercial groups.
In terms of my ex abusive partner, he has alienated my youngest adult daughter from me. He also alienated my dying mother from me. She then left him over 30% of her estate when she died. Is there any research on the impact of perpetrator inflicted alienation of adult children and elders?
Hi Sue, you mentioned coercive control in religious settings. My blog may interest you. https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/
I focus on abuse in a Christian context. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, domestic abuse from two husbands, Family Court abuse, and spiritual abuse from church leaders. My daughter is a survivor of institutional and other types of abuse.
I am sorry you have experienced so much, and it pains me because your experiences are similar to mine.....As you know I have experienced , domestic abuse, spiritual abuse and abuse from a commercial setting. I also experienced childhood abuse. The coercive and controlling behaviours the perpetrator/abusers employ are are pretty much the same. Thank you for speaking out, it is important. There are so many women who have had multiple abusive experiences, ad it is not because we are stupid or deficient in some way. I have sent your link to a friend of mine who is about to embark on a research study on domestic abuse in evangelical settings. I am currently studying for an MSc in Psychology of Coercive Control, and she is in my cohort.
Tanks for sending my link on to your friend!
Many thanks Barbara. I’ll check it out.
I have just been reading through Elizabeth Delgarno et al article on Health-related experiences of family court and domestic abuse in England. The article lists the physical and mental health experiences associated with family court proceedings. I note that ME/chronic fatigue syndrome is listed under autoimmune conditions. Whilst not specifically related to court proceedings, while I was still living with my abuser, now ex husband, I experienced ME. Another interesting fact is that on my current course - MSc in Psychology of Coercive Control, three of my cohort who have experienced IPV have also had ME.
I see so many survivors with ME that I'm now more surprised when survivors don't have ME than when they do! My hunch is that abusers push survivor's bodies to the edge, then one trigger such as a virus easily tips them into having ME. ME is usually classified as neurological, but I've also seen it described as neuro-immune.
Thanks Emma. I believe it is probably both neuro-immune and neurological. I had three long periods of flu-like symptoms and then my body shut down.
At the time, in 2002, there was much discussion around whether the symptoms were purely neurological. When I went to a support/education group at Southmead Hospital in Bristol, that was their view. I was seen by a psychiatrist, as well as learning how to manage my illness. Unfortunately nothing changed, as I was still in an abusive relationship. It wasn't helpful, because it made me feel in some way deficient, rather than addressing the impact of the power and threat in my life - my abuser.
So still desperate for healing, I then got involved in a religious group ( a cult!!) that specialised in healing and deliverance from generational sin, ME being a symptom, and I was 'healed'. Indicting a form of 'suggestibility' , a neurological response, brought about by mystical manipulation. So my life took a very dark turn...i was in the group for 6 years...
I'm so sorry. If ME had been given proper research funding for the last 40 years perhaps this wouldn't have happened to you, as treatments may have been available.