Excellent article again. Spot on as I have lived it. Which is exactly why I returned to my studies and got specialized training on coercive control and integrative somatic trauma therapy techniques as I saw that the mental health field was ill equipted and quite frankly dangerous and retraumatizing to victims of coercive control especially women and children. The specialized trauma fields of psychology (somatic) would be the only therapists I would recommend for a coercive control survivor. Although, during my training I found that even the pioneer experts were not coervice control informed or aware. So the most effective therapist would be a coercive control informed trauma practitioner or a trauma practitioner educated and experienced in cult mentality and recovery. Because if they aren't able to understand the severe psychological torture a coervice controller can perpertrate on their vicitms in plain site they will not be able to hold space, witness, or validate the victim. A much needed article to be shared with all mental health practitioners and all family court "actors". Thank you again Dr. Katz for your much needed work.
"If they aren't able to understand the severe psychological torture a coercive controller can perpetrate on their victims in plain site they will not be able to hold space, witness, or validate the victim." - Yes.
Wow. "In reality, this means that when people impacted by domestic violence and coercive control reach out for psychological support, professionals may not have the understanding that is needed to work with them effectively." - I am sorry to hear that this is the answer for why I was so poorly served by professionals, time and time again when I asked for help. Thank you for sharing the truth, it is deeply affirming.
I'm so sorry you were poorly served over and over again. It may well be the lack of training. I could also be peoples' own biases, which even the best training may not overcome.
It is so validating to see the research and spell out identifiers. It has taken me ten years to understand the behaviors of the coercive controller as well as the psychological and emotional abuse and its toll on me and my daughters. We have been gaslit and revictimised by not only the court but by too many untrained therapists to count. We are dover changed and our lives must be fought for daily- even as we enter this 9th year of family court and 12th year of unimaginable torture.
Apart from therapists, there are other family court professionals who work with both parents in the same room and who are completely untrained and ignorant about abuse and coercive control. Mediators and parenting coordinators insist on having joint meetings with both parents in the same room together, and it is so dangerous and retraumatizing for survivors. There needs to be training, guidelines, accountability, and an body that oversees the professionals to guarantee they follow the guidelines. Family court truly feels like the wild west when so many of the people within it can do whatever they want, unchecked.
This is so true. It is like a wild west where many people do what they want unchecked. I agree that a lot more accountability is needed.
As the majority of family court cases feature domestic violence and abuse, everything should start from the assumption that one party will be traumatised being in the room with the other and that this shouldn't happen unless both parties declare they are comfortable to do this.
Thank you so much to held mothers and children to understand what is going on with social and justice systemes, and post separation abuse. You use good words and is held a lot!
Another enlightening article spelling out what we can see and experience in our lives without realising the extent to which these things stretch. Those statistics are horrific. That case study is awful and, sadly, typical of what a lot of us endure. The bias is literally insane and I feel it is all just another way of burning us at the stakes.
This. Story. Here, Dr. Katz. WOW... I should tag you in my LinkedIn article that's already scheduled sharing your article. In my situation, I didn't even know that HIS sister SHOULDN'T be doing 'therapy' with our family and couples 'therapy' with he and I just because she had her undergraduate psychology degree, was smart, and was supposedly my friend and confidante. Were me and my daughters in for it once it got started!! Prior to these, she told me she knew what I had described to her (his behaviors) were abusive and she wanted to use her relationship with him to get him to acknowledge that, be accountable, and make positive changes so the family could heal. PLEASE. Once we got in the sessions, they were used to browbeat my daughters and the couple sessions were used to get me to reveal things that I had not told him yet and make him angrier and more abusive after. When I told her the sessions didn't feel safe to do couples therapy and I wanted to do them separately, she refused to confinue citing my refusal to follow her inspired direction as the reason. Of course, after the sessions, the girls were even more WRONG in the home and since she had characterized my running away from his verbal and emotional abuse as purposefully being emotional unavailable to my partner and called THAT abuse 'too', he now had that to add to his arsenal. Thank you so much for your work, Dr. Katz!!!!!
I am currently in the middle of court-ordered family therapy with my abuser. In the first session, after reading a 32-page report of the abuse and then listening to me speak about the abuse for an hour, the family therapist asked me to list my abusers strengths and good qualities. Now, despite the fact that I indicated I do not feel safe in the same room as him, she sent an email to the both of us saying that the next session will be with both of us together to discuss "shared goals, concerns, and areas of agreement", and assess our capacity to work together. I have replied to say that I do not agree to a joint session with him due to safety concerns. But by doing so, I also risk being seen as 'obstructive' in the eyes of the court. It is an absolutely precarious tightrope walk.
Excellent article again. Spot on as I have lived it. Which is exactly why I returned to my studies and got specialized training on coercive control and integrative somatic trauma therapy techniques as I saw that the mental health field was ill equipted and quite frankly dangerous and retraumatizing to victims of coercive control especially women and children. The specialized trauma fields of psychology (somatic) would be the only therapists I would recommend for a coercive control survivor. Although, during my training I found that even the pioneer experts were not coervice control informed or aware. So the most effective therapist would be a coercive control informed trauma practitioner or a trauma practitioner educated and experienced in cult mentality and recovery. Because if they aren't able to understand the severe psychological torture a coervice controller can perpertrate on their vicitms in plain site they will not be able to hold space, witness, or validate the victim. A much needed article to be shared with all mental health practitioners and all family court "actors". Thank you again Dr. Katz for your much needed work.
"If they aren't able to understand the severe psychological torture a coercive controller can perpetrate on their victims in plain site they will not be able to hold space, witness, or validate the victim." - Yes.
Wow. "In reality, this means that when people impacted by domestic violence and coercive control reach out for psychological support, professionals may not have the understanding that is needed to work with them effectively." - I am sorry to hear that this is the answer for why I was so poorly served by professionals, time and time again when I asked for help. Thank you for sharing the truth, it is deeply affirming.
I'm so sorry you were poorly served over and over again. It may well be the lack of training. I could also be peoples' own biases, which even the best training may not overcome.
It is so validating to see the research and spell out identifiers. It has taken me ten years to understand the behaviors of the coercive controller as well as the psychological and emotional abuse and its toll on me and my daughters. We have been gaslit and revictimised by not only the court but by too many untrained therapists to count. We are dover changed and our lives must be fought for daily- even as we enter this 9th year of family court and 12th year of unimaginable torture.
I'm so sorry. It is unimaginable torture as you say.
Apart from therapists, there are other family court professionals who work with both parents in the same room and who are completely untrained and ignorant about abuse and coercive control. Mediators and parenting coordinators insist on having joint meetings with both parents in the same room together, and it is so dangerous and retraumatizing for survivors. There needs to be training, guidelines, accountability, and an body that oversees the professionals to guarantee they follow the guidelines. Family court truly feels like the wild west when so many of the people within it can do whatever they want, unchecked.
This is so true. It is like a wild west where many people do what they want unchecked. I agree that a lot more accountability is needed.
As the majority of family court cases feature domestic violence and abuse, everything should start from the assumption that one party will be traumatised being in the room with the other and that this shouldn't happen unless both parties declare they are comfortable to do this.
Thank you so much to held mothers and children to understand what is going on with social and justice systemes, and post separation abuse. You use good words and is held a lot!
Another enlightening article spelling out what we can see and experience in our lives without realising the extent to which these things stretch. Those statistics are horrific. That case study is awful and, sadly, typical of what a lot of us endure. The bias is literally insane and I feel it is all just another way of burning us at the stakes.
Thank you for accurately perceiving and articulating a dynamic of abuse that is all too often invisible.
May I please ask, can you recommend any children's books or folk stories that help illustrate this dynamic?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Luna-Little-Legs-Children-Understand/dp/1032072598/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Floss-Boss-Children-Domestic-Coercive/dp/0367510790/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Talking-My-Mum-Workbook-Children/dp/1843104229/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Talking-about-Domestic-Abuse-Communication/dp/1843104237/
This. Story. Here, Dr. Katz. WOW... I should tag you in my LinkedIn article that's already scheduled sharing your article. In my situation, I didn't even know that HIS sister SHOULDN'T be doing 'therapy' with our family and couples 'therapy' with he and I just because she had her undergraduate psychology degree, was smart, and was supposedly my friend and confidante. Were me and my daughters in for it once it got started!! Prior to these, she told me she knew what I had described to her (his behaviors) were abusive and she wanted to use her relationship with him to get him to acknowledge that, be accountable, and make positive changes so the family could heal. PLEASE. Once we got in the sessions, they were used to browbeat my daughters and the couple sessions were used to get me to reveal things that I had not told him yet and make him angrier and more abusive after. When I told her the sessions didn't feel safe to do couples therapy and I wanted to do them separately, she refused to confinue citing my refusal to follow her inspired direction as the reason. Of course, after the sessions, the girls were even more WRONG in the home and since she had characterized my running away from his verbal and emotional abuse as purposefully being emotional unavailable to my partner and called THAT abuse 'too', he now had that to add to his arsenal. Thank you so much for your work, Dr. Katz!!!!!
I am currently in the middle of court-ordered family therapy with my abuser. In the first session, after reading a 32-page report of the abuse and then listening to me speak about the abuse for an hour, the family therapist asked me to list my abusers strengths and good qualities. Now, despite the fact that I indicated I do not feel safe in the same room as him, she sent an email to the both of us saying that the next session will be with both of us together to discuss "shared goals, concerns, and areas of agreement", and assess our capacity to work together. I have replied to say that I do not agree to a joint session with him due to safety concerns. But by doing so, I also risk being seen as 'obstructive' in the eyes of the court. It is an absolutely precarious tightrope walk.
I hear you. It's absolutely wrong that the court is putting you through this.