Thank you for this! All those components and we know you’re scratching the surface but what brilliantly laid out issues while also covering the impact on our kids and how it continues post-separation. Your warning at the beginning underlines your deep level of understanding and you really are saving lives with such education. I always want to say Brava at the end of your posts so Brava. Again!
This is so helpful; I rarely see discussions and examples of coercive control in mainstream spaces. As a consequence, so many people think domestic violence = physical violence and therefore if there is little or no physical violence, then it must not be domestic violence.
I especially appreciated the example of a woman trying to maintain friendships and her partner always "[doing] something to make it difficult". Like the wicked stepmother who didn't directly forbid Cinderella from attending the ball, but put every obstacle in her path. Imagine that repeated for anything Cinderella wanted to pursue.
I'm sharing this with family members who have experienced coercive control but I fear are unable to call it what it is. Hopefully some of the examples will ring true and they'll be able to put a name to it now.
This is an excellent and comprehensive post. Thank you, Emma. Abuse often escalates when an abuser feels their power is threatened. This can happen when you succeed - in your career, confidence, independence, or relationships. If they see you rising while they feel stuck or failing, they may lash out, withdraw affection, or become controlling.
It’s about control. And it’s not just partners - it can be parents, bosses, friends, anyone who needs to feel “above” you to feel secure.
The victim's growth didn’t cause their behaviour. It exposed it.
Thank you Dr Emma Katz. Do you have any suggestions based on your research for providing evidence of coercive control to a court appointed psychologist?
Thank you for this! All those components and we know you’re scratching the surface but what brilliantly laid out issues while also covering the impact on our kids and how it continues post-separation. Your warning at the beginning underlines your deep level of understanding and you really are saving lives with such education. I always want to say Brava at the end of your posts so Brava. Again!
Thanks so much. I really hope this post reaches people and helps them.
This is so helpful; I rarely see discussions and examples of coercive control in mainstream spaces. As a consequence, so many people think domestic violence = physical violence and therefore if there is little or no physical violence, then it must not be domestic violence.
I especially appreciated the example of a woman trying to maintain friendships and her partner always "[doing] something to make it difficult". Like the wicked stepmother who didn't directly forbid Cinderella from attending the ball, but put every obstacle in her path. Imagine that repeated for anything Cinderella wanted to pursue.
I'm sharing this with family members who have experienced coercive control but I fear are unable to call it what it is. Hopefully some of the examples will ring true and they'll be able to put a name to it now.
I really hope your family members find this useful and it gives them a language for their experiences.
This is an excellent and comprehensive post. Thank you, Emma. Abuse often escalates when an abuser feels their power is threatened. This can happen when you succeed - in your career, confidence, independence, or relationships. If they see you rising while they feel stuck or failing, they may lash out, withdraw affection, or become controlling.
It’s about control. And it’s not just partners - it can be parents, bosses, friends, anyone who needs to feel “above” you to feel secure.
The victim's growth didn’t cause their behaviour. It exposed it.
Well said
Thank you Dr Emma Katz. Do you have any suggestions based on your research for providing evidence of coercive control to a court appointed psychologist?
At the bottom of my Feb 2025 post on family courts there are links to resources like validated checklists. These could be useful.
Thank you!