Do Abusers Intend to Be Abusive? A Reader Wonders to What Extent Abusers Understand Their Own Behavior and Motives

A Feminist Advice Friday collaboration with Liberating Motherhood

Welcome

For this post I teamed up with another Substack, Liberating Motherhood, to answer a reader’s question. This kind of post is a first for Decoding Coercive Control with Dr Emma Katz.

Let me know in the comments if you enjoy this style of posting from me and if you want more of this kind of post in future.

A reader asks…

Are perpetrators aware of what they are doing? It feels like it takes a lot of strategical thinking to entertain the cycles of abuse, so are they consciously aware of their abuse? Or are they more staging the behavior of “how most men are”-script provided by patriarchy? I guess it’s just so hard to take in that they can say they love someone, and then treat them so poorly. I mean, what kind of life and love is that? They will never know love? But I guess this is the issue, they don’t see others as truly human, so how could there be love?

This is a collaboration post, featuring answers from both Dr. Emma Katz and Zawn Villines of Liberating Motherhood. So you’ll get two layers of expertise and two perspectives! This is a paid bonus for paid subscribers only. You can subscribe to either newsletter to get access.