Abusive Men and Sex: Coercive Control and Intimate Partner Sexual Coercion

Why coercive control makes a consensual sex life impossible

Welcome

For this post, I felt it was important for me to address issues of sexual coercion within abusive relationships. This is an important topic and it should not be taboo to discuss it sensitively.

My aim here was to write in broad terms to share what I think is helpful knowledge about understanding these situations. I’ve written this post with the hope that it will illuminate and validate victims-survivors experiences and clarify things that people might be uncertain about.

It’s my hope that most readers who are victims-survivors will be able to identify their experiences within the post, and that people who work with victims-survivors will learn more about this aspect of domestic violence and abuse.

What this post does

The post will provide detail on:

1. how one person being a coercive controller distorts intimacy in relationships;

2. how coercive control by its very nature means that the victim-survivor can’t give freely given sexual consent based on the true facts of the situation; and

3. what the link is between sexual coercion and sexual assault and rape.

The post tries to be inclusive of the whole continuum and range of experiences that a coercive control victim-survivor might have in relation to sexual intimacy with an abusive partner.

The post covers experiences ranging from:

• those that the victim-survivor might have felt that they wanted at the time; to

• those that felt at least somewhat coerced at the time; to

• those that felt fully coerced or forced at the time.

Though the post may be difficult to read at times, I hope that, if you read it, you will find it helpful.

Here is some advice on engaging safely with this post: